When is it enough?

Why is one difficult task followed by another? More so, why is that in adulthood we must endure and undertake so many things we don’t want to but are told it’s for the right reasons? Haven’t we all heard that again and again, that it’s not fun but it’s the right thing to do and as adults, we must do it? I cannot think of more than a small handful of things I have done in my life that were fundamentally of my own choosing and were a truly enjoyable undertaking. It doesn’t seem that the trend is going to change anytime soon.

 

Recently, someone who I care about dearly and them me more so, convinced me to enroll in a masters program. I had intended to put it on my to-do list and keep it there a while. I have been working a very high-stress job these last two years and am truly exhausted mentally. They thought it better to start right away to open up more opportunities in the job market so that I wouldn’t find myself struggling as bad as I had been to find gainful employment. More so in a field of my choosing. I’ll admit, I was very fortunate to get the job I have had. There was little to no prospect beforehand and my bachelors in political science didn’t exactly create endless opportunities for me. I never really wanted to go to college in the first place. But I wanted a menial physical labor job even less and the town I came from had no real other possibilities.  So, I found myself then, as I do now, having to do something I don’t want to do in order for the possibility to do something I want, sometime in the future. These hopeful thoughts do nothing to make my head hurt any less and only add to me seeing no rest in sight.

 

Am I being overly dramatic? Some people probably think so and in truth, I don’t really disagree with them. I have always had clothes on my back, a warm place to sleep and plenty of food to eat. I had a good upbringing and was afforded opportunities others were not. Everyone deals with different things in their own way and what are struggles for some aren’t even a bump in the road for others. I am truly curious when it’s all enough. Are we meant to go from irritating and demanding tasks and points one after the other or does their get to a point when it all seems worth it and a general degree of satisfaction kicks in? I guess there’s only one way to find out. I’ll have to keep going.

 

I know that without struggle there can be no success. I also know that I don’t have the constitution or the desire to be a hedonist. Regardless of pain or pleasure, was this really how we were meant to live? Scheduled meetings, soccer practice, research papers, income tax, sensitivity training, mandatory meetings, group discussions, traffic jams and praying five times a day. Is this really what we are meant to do? Or are we just lying to ourselves and forcing discomfort on one another? Hell if I know, I just live here.

 

Couldn’t find a quite that made it sound less like me complaining and more like thought provoking poetry

– The author

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