Staying awake is harder than it sounds

                To the best of my knowledge I do not have narcolepsy. Although if I did, it would certainly explain a lot these past few months. Lately I have found myself doing the head bob as my weighted eyelids have dragged my head to my chest or the desk I am sitting at. I sleep between 7-8 hours a night. I eat healthily three times a day and do my best to exercise 3-4 times a week. Yet come the afternoon as I sit staring at another power point, excel or summary my mind turns to mush and gravity overpowers my will power despite my best efforts. What is this irresistible force that washes over me without my consent or desire? After deep reflection and countless attempts to fight it head on I have come to a simple conclusion. Being an adult is ungodly boredom.

We were lied to as children. The grand adventures we were promised are no more. Facebook, Instagram, Snap chat, movies and TV has created a false positive of joy and excitement the world can no longer handle. No car chases, gunfights, explosions or dirty jokes that get us laid. The world is ever increasingly serious, dull and unforgiving when it comes to laughter. The war on drugs may have failed but the war on fun is full blast. Don’t believe me? Next time you’re in a meeting crack a joke. Seriously, tell a joke that is about everyday life and see how it goes over. No knock, knock joke or a dad joke but a joke that you heard your friends tell last time you were out and see how it goes. There’s a greater chance then not that you’ll be talked to by your boss or an HR professional. Then you’ll go back to your office, cubicle or work station and spend the rest of the day thinking about what went wrong. Wondering where the laughter you knew as a child had gone. That’s the world we live in now.

Much as we might all wish it, life isn’t like the Secret Life of Walter Mitty. We won’t all of the sudden wake up from a daze and be offered a life altering adventure at the drop of the hat. We will instead file our taxes, pay our mortgages, go to the dentist and file for divorce before the age of forty five. Why? Because as humans we’ve let life become this way. We have decided there are no more far flung regions of the world or the mind to discover. So we use Uber Eats to grow fat without having to interact with each other and drink crappy IPAs to dull the pain loneliness. We want to forget that time when we dreamed it or felt it. Better to fall asleep and forget get it for a bit than to risk the discomfort, right? Christ, makes the twilight zone chipper and uplifting, doesn’t it?

Switchfoot said it best when they sang meant to live, “we were meant for so much more.” I admit to my complacency and cowardice. I have settled in this part of my life and am falling asleep constantly in penance, Will I change? God my liver hope so. Don’t do what I have done. Spend all day in a bar with stranger and all night in an art gallery. Take out a loan and leave the country for a place that’s never heard of a 401K. Forget politics, religion and cholesterol. They’ll only slow you down with nothing important. Each day I loosen my chains a little bit more. One day when I’m not looking, I will escape to a life where I never fall asleep on myself. The world is out there and I’m going to find it. Will you do the same?

Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured.

Gordon B. Hinckley

1 thought on “Staying awake is harder than it sounds”

  1. A friend once speculated back when we were both undergraduates and she was considering whether or not to embark upon a career in medicine. Our brains were altered all the time in those days and we possessed nothing but optimism. But one day she said she couldn’t decide if she wanted to live her life directed by passion or by responsibility. I believe this is a false dichotomy and that one can be relatively impulsive whilst also building a 401K. Personally, regarding i.e. my brothers, my students or god forbid the soldiers appointed under me, I tried to encourage them to withhold some dear commitment like marriage or military service or a “job” job for as long as possible. I was 27 for marriage and “job” job, and 30 for child. Wife and work were OK, but in retrospect I would have waited for the child.
    Good luck, I’ve been getting in trouble for poorly timed jokes at least since middle school and I don’t think I regret a single one.
    Take care,


Leave a Reply to timkautsky Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s